03-14-2025, 07:50 PM
I am the mother of an adult alcoholic son (38 yrs.old). This has been a very long road for me and his family. I would say that it has been going on for at least 8-10 years, but that is with the hindsight of looking back at the things that didn’t make sense in his behavior and do now. This has been an anguishing and incredibly painful journey as any parent of an addict knows. My son has been getting progressively worse. He has been hospitalized with pancreatitis, fallen and hurt himself numerous times- he’s currently awaiting surgery through the state for slipping on the ice and breaking his ankle that he did nothing about until it was too late. He’s still recovering from the broken ankle and 10 hour surgery for shattering his other ankle in a fall. He’s an intelligent young man- he was in the process of getting his PhD in Philosophy before his drinking began to ruin that too. He’s currently incredibly depressed and has shut out his whole family, including me. His father died suddenly of a heart attack at 28 when my son was 9, his sisters were 6 and 4. I did remarry but he never really connected with my husband. This is particularly painful as he and I used to have an incredibly close relationship and talked multiple times a week. He’s single so thankfully there isn’t a wife or children who are suffering with this. ( I know that all too well, his father was an alcoholic too. I thought I was done with this pain when his father passed away). I could go on and on…..
He has his own place for now, only because he received a very small inheritance from his grandfather that I had no control over, and he’s using it to live on and do nothing. This could last a year. He does not work. There is currently nothing right now to motivate him to change. He says he’ll most likely be homeless after the money runs out. Really?? That’s his solution??
I have seen a counselor for myself for the past two years and it has been so helpful, but I really need a community to help me feel supported and who understands. Family members try but they don’t understand and tell you to cut him off, or suggest things that I know would be enabling. It’s not their fault, they just don’t know. My husband tries, but he doesn’t have the same emotional feelings that I do as his mom. I feel so very alone most of the time..
I’ve been through the enabling, the covering up (for years!), the incredible shame, begging, pleading, letters, texts, emails, books, anger, desperation, reaching out with love and kindness, the shock of all of this, the hopelessness, the detox, the interventions that went nowhere. tears, tears, tears. He will not agree to a rehab program and any attempts to get him to have failed. He’s had counselors and doesn’t go regularly. He’s had depression since he was a teen, and last summer just stopped his anti-depressants cold turkey and had a frightening mental breakdown where we tried to help him and it backfired and he didn’t contact me for weeks. He always apologizes and is consumed with guilt over what he’s done. His youngest sister didn’t speak to him for almost a year and that fractured our family, yet it was her choice to do what she needed.
I know in myself that it’s long overdue for me to start taking better care of myself. I want to learn how to be okay each day and not always have a sick feeling in my stomach. With his current state, I worry about him dying a lot. I have a strong spiritual faith and it has given me strength. I would just like find a place where people understand my crazy emotions. I can tell that family members are tired of this and don’t want to talk about it anymore. His sisters have their own families whom I adore. I always try and put on a brave face and smile and be happy around them, because it’s just unfair that they don’t have the best of me. The strain of trying to be happy on the outside and in pain on the inside is exhausting. I have so many people who love me and so many things in life that are good. I hate that his addiction colors everything and I want that to stop.The stress of it is wearing on me. How am I going to live the rest of my life with this pain? Is it even possible to reach a place of peace with all this?
He has his own place for now, only because he received a very small inheritance from his grandfather that I had no control over, and he’s using it to live on and do nothing. This could last a year. He does not work. There is currently nothing right now to motivate him to change. He says he’ll most likely be homeless after the money runs out. Really?? That’s his solution??
I have seen a counselor for myself for the past two years and it has been so helpful, but I really need a community to help me feel supported and who understands. Family members try but they don’t understand and tell you to cut him off, or suggest things that I know would be enabling. It’s not their fault, they just don’t know. My husband tries, but he doesn’t have the same emotional feelings that I do as his mom. I feel so very alone most of the time..
I’ve been through the enabling, the covering up (for years!), the incredible shame, begging, pleading, letters, texts, emails, books, anger, desperation, reaching out with love and kindness, the shock of all of this, the hopelessness, the detox, the interventions that went nowhere. tears, tears, tears. He will not agree to a rehab program and any attempts to get him to have failed. He’s had counselors and doesn’t go regularly. He’s had depression since he was a teen, and last summer just stopped his anti-depressants cold turkey and had a frightening mental breakdown where we tried to help him and it backfired and he didn’t contact me for weeks. He always apologizes and is consumed with guilt over what he’s done. His youngest sister didn’t speak to him for almost a year and that fractured our family, yet it was her choice to do what she needed.
I know in myself that it’s long overdue for me to start taking better care of myself. I want to learn how to be okay each day and not always have a sick feeling in my stomach. With his current state, I worry about him dying a lot. I have a strong spiritual faith and it has given me strength. I would just like find a place where people understand my crazy emotions. I can tell that family members are tired of this and don’t want to talk about it anymore. His sisters have their own families whom I adore. I always try and put on a brave face and smile and be happy around them, because it’s just unfair that they don’t have the best of me. The strain of trying to be happy on the outside and in pain on the inside is exhausting. I have so many people who love me and so many things in life that are good. I hate that his addiction colors everything and I want that to stop.The stress of it is wearing on me. How am I going to live the rest of my life with this pain? Is it even possible to reach a place of peace with all this?
